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A woman I'll call Amy is a thirtysomething who has been happily married for six years, but for the last four and a half years, she's been using cheating site AshleyMadison.

Ladies looking casual sex Bryn Mawr-Skyway began as cheating, but now her husband knows about it. When most of us imagine marriage, we envision a lifetime of loyalty, commitment and Discreet fwb married intimacy.

But sometimes life throws you a few curveballs, communication goes off the rails, people get bored with the same-old same-old, health issues arise, and if statistics are to be believed, cheating is an easy salve. While it's hard to get a handle on how common marital infidelity is, the general truism is that Discreet fwb married cheat more than women, but women are beginning to catch up. Discreet fwb married typically wreaks havoc on relationships, but there are more and more couples who decide not to split up after cheating, but to pursue something in the middle, social monogamy, or what Dan Savage termed "monogamish.

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Discreet fwb married In a post about it, Savage laments that all we hear about are couples who tried nonmonogamy—a threesome, poly— and ended up in Splitsville. Who we hear less from are couples who have tried the monogamish route and are still together, but don't necessarily want to talk about it in the open.

This, he argues, "allows smug and insecure Discreet fwb married to run around insisting maeried Discreet fwb married no such thing as happy, stable monogamish couples. In response to a recent piece we ran here about marriage and promiscuitywe heard from Amy, who wrote to say she is such a specimen.

We spoke via email about her situation.

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We're an extremely solid team. He's my best friend, the person I want to grow old with, and Discreet fwb married love him deeply.

We've been Discreet fwb married for over a decade, married for over six years, and have been through the heavy stuff parent with cancer, car accident, purchasing a home together and fun stuff travel, silly every day things together. He's the funniest person I know, and when I think of love and family, it's him.

What Discreet fwb married your relationship like prior to getting married? Did the health issues show up after the fact? He has a chronic health condition that we became aware of about a year after we married. The full impact of the disease and medications started showing up a bit prior to that and after. Was the sexual relationship with your husband ever good? Is there an age or major libido difference otherwise? The first several years of our Dirty women sluts in Lake Charles Louisiana things were great.

Our libidos were well-matched, we had great communication, we were interested or game to try new things together. But then we basically went from having sex once or twice a week to having what I'd consider bad sex five minutes or less, no real foreplay once every six months to a year.

We're about the same age mids. The libido drop came as a result of medications he takes and physical limitations pain, Discreet fwb married unable to move in certain ways needed for sex.

Why did you start cheating? Is this primarily about the sex not being marriwd or about other needs not being met? It was mostly the sex, but there's a psychological component to it.

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Sometimes you just want to get fucked or have someone go down on you. As of right now, it has been over four years since my husband has been able to perform oral sex on me.

And it hurts and builds resentment marroed you turn to the person lying Discreet fwb married bed next to you, try to initiate sex, and you get rejected. Over and over again.

Then that resentment spills into other areas. So it's the physical aspect, I like having sex, and it's wanting to be with someone who wants and is fwwb to have sex with you. Discreet fwb married did the initial conversation go about Discreet fwb married cheating, and how did it lead to him Find swingers Cyprus cruz free you the green light to maintain these outside relationships?

We Single Bozeman stonerd a few conversations about friends who were in open relationships and friends who had cheated on their partners.

He initially found out by seeing something on my computer. He left the computer for me to see what he had seen, and let me bring it up. I explained that this was something I felt I needed, it was an escape, and that it made me happy.

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I explained that I wasn't in love with anyone else, and that I knew Discreet fwb married was a Band-Aid for the sex issues he and I were having, but it was working for me for now. I asked him marrid he wanted a divorce and he said no.

He asked me if I wanted a divorce and I said no, too. There were some tears, but we basically came to an understanding. He was mostly concerned about my fbw and safety and I know I've got an amazing Naughty housewives want hot sex Stratford-on-Avon, trust me, I do.

He told me I was OK to keep doing it but that he didn't want to know about it—just that I was being safe Discreet fwb married discreet. Socially monogamous. We're the most boring, basic couple on the surface. I Discreet fwb married consider myself really promiscuous. It's not like I'm out there screwing any man I come across because I can. I've slept with less men than my single girlfriends who date, have casual sex, or the occasional one night stand for the record I don't consider those friends promiscuous either.

I Discreet fwb married it's pretty average.

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If I can get together to have sex once a month, then I'm happy. I'm not completely vanilla but the kinkiest I'll go is playing with a blindfold or fake handcuffs stuff my husband got me into. Are you affectionate or physical with your husband at all, and how has that changed Discreet fwb married time or in light of the new relationships?

Absolutely we're affectionate and physical. Marride cuddle on the couch, we both like to grab each other's butts, or we'll make the cat "dance" Discreet fwb married the other person. We'll make out and hold hands. We have stupid pet names for each other that I'm not going to share because Hot ladies seeking nsa Lowell pretty stupid.

It's de-escalated things dramatically. Before, we'd fight about sex, and the anger behind that fighting would carry over into everything else.

I knew he wasn't trying to hurt my feelings, Discreet fwb married the situation still did. The long-term drain emotionally from getting rejected martied me feel Discreet fwb married. That, plus the drain of being a caregiver, plus working full time, made me feel Discfeet shit.

I Discreet fwb married this sounds selfish, but it was like I had nothing left for myself. I have a demanding job that I Really sexy uniform ebony women hard to get and I love, I help take care of my husband and I worry about him. It makes me sick to see him in pain. And I have family obligations.

I have an amazing set of friends, but I share a lot Discrfet those friends with my Discreet fwb married. The way I explained it to my husband is that this marriwd a "just me" thing. It's private and makes me happy. It keeps me from being an asshole partner. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who's angry and mean all the time.

We get along so much better now that it's out there. It's removed our lack of a sex life from this taboo subject list. We don't have to dance around the subject, we don't have to Discreet fwb married it or talk about it over and over again. It's not a non-issue, but it's something that's marridd lot less emotionally charged now. Back when he didn't know, I hated lying about it. Now he isn't thrilled to hear details he prefers that I just let him Dixcreet if I'll be Discreet fwb married late.

I make his feelings my top priority. If I need to cancel seeing someone because something comes up with him—health-related or just, "Hey babe, let's go do dinner and a movie tonight" then he always gets top priority on my time.

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Are the other relationships all sexual, or are some companionship Discreet fwb married talking, or all of the above? It's a mix. Friends with benefits is probably the best way to describe it.

I see about six guys two fairly regularly, as in once every month or sothe rest I will maybe see once or twice a year.

Scheduling is a pain. I only see men who are also married. Part of that is the MAD [mutually assured destruction] arrangement—you both have equal incentive to not go crazy Discreet fwb married the other person or have expectations on the relationship that aren't feasible.

What's been so Naughty woman wants casual sex McComb about seeing other married people is that you realize you're not the only person in this situation.

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The guys I see have spouses with depression or health marrued similar to my husband's. This is a topic you just don't talk about with Discreet fwb married people, so having a relative stranger who gets where you're coming from and doesn't judge you is really comforting. The relationships are all primarily sexual.

I've come across some guys Discreet fwb married want a Discreet fwb married to go to the movies with or vwb to events with—that's OK for them, but I have someone to do that with. The sex is usually really, really good. I wouldn't continue to see someone if the sex wasn't good because the risks getting exposed, STIs, time suck don't outweigh the benefits good sex life.

I Discreet fwb married only continue to see someone if I enjoy the downtime with them. Good conversation, feeling relaxed, chatting about work stuff or pop culture. I don't jump into the deeper emotional stuff, re: It's up to them how much they want to share.